captioning sponsored by worldwide pants and cbs captioned by media access group at wgbh access.wgbh.org ♪ ♪ (applause). >> dave: is it harder or easier to campaign as an incumbent? >> it's actually harder because you've got two jobs. and you think about the events last week, what happened in the middle east, that's something that you have to focus on as well as campaigning. but the plane's nicer now. (laughter) and the other thing that you've got going for you is that you've done this. you know, you've made mistakes, you've had some successes, you've experienced the stresses. you're not talking in theory. you've done the job. and so there's a certain sense that when i speak about the issues, these are the ones that

i've actually wrestled with and grappled with and i'm not just churning out some talking point from some consultant or some poll but hopefully i'm telling the american people exactly what i think. >> dave: i can't tell you how much i appreciate you spending this evening with us because i know there's many other things you would rather do. (laughter) all of my best wishes to your family. god bless your family. they seem like wonderful folks and god bless you. >> thank you so much, dave. tell harry i said hello. >> dave: thank you. president obama. thanks for watching. good night, everybody. (cheers and applause) craig: i'm trying to put on a bipartisan tie so it doesn't look like i'm taking sides. the president was on dave. does this tie say i'm not taking sides? geoff: yeah, it sure does. craig: what the hell does that mean? geoff: well, it matches my eyes.

i'm distracted. [laughter] craig: good evening. welcome to the show where tonight we're going to be reading extracts from "larry king: my remarkable journey." don't worry, we're not. we have a much better show than that, right, geoff? geoff: oh, yeah. craig: and we're almost 100% canadian free. almost. there are some canadians in the audience! it will be all right, though, right? geoff: it will be just fine. [laughter] ♪ it's hard to stay up it's been a long, long day and you've got the sandman at the door but hang on leave the tv on and let's do it anyway it's ok you can always sleep through work tomorrow ok hey, hey tomorrow's just your future yesterday ♪

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>> ladies and gentlemen, craig ferguson! [applause] craig: geoff peterson! candy! [applause] look at you! hi, everybody. welcome. welcome to los angeles, california. welcome to "the late, late show." i'm your host, tv's craig ferguson. thanks, everybody. thank you.

thank you, everyone. great. fantastic. [applause] great. thank you. thank you, everyone. i have to say that's enough. that's enough. don't overdo it. now you're just creeping me out a little bit. sit down. i'm surprised to get such a lovely reaction from the audience. just before the show, michael, the producer came to me and said the audience, mmm. i'm not trying to get you to hate him, but that's what he said about you. oh, you're right. no, they seem fine to me, and you look great! [laughter] you too, ladies. it's a great day for america, everybody! [applause] yes, indeed, it is. it is! but it is not a great day for all americans. it has been a pretty rough day

for mitt romney. he is in a little bit of hot water. a little hot water. he's in trouble. he's like dayummm! that's what he talks like. here's what happened. earlier this year he spoke at private at a fundraiser. that's political code for "rich people fiesta." no big deal, both parties do it. their candidates get down on their knees and beg old rich bastards for money. [laughter] it's like kissing babies, except with more drool and poopy diapers. [laughter] at the fundraiser, somebody secretly taped mitt romney doing something insane. what he did was -- and this is it. he was saying what he actually believes. i was like what the [beep]? you can't do that! that is a rookie mistake, mister!

if you want to be president, there are two things you can never do. one is say what you really believe. the other is to admit you were born in kenya. you cannot do these things! [applause] now -- one of the things -- wait a minute, craig. whose side are you on? i don't even know anymore. one of the things he said was 47% of the people would never vote for him. that's pessimistic. i'm surprised. mitt romney's a self-made man. he took his dad's millions and turned it into -- millions. [laughter] a lot of peopleare saying it's over for him. but it's not. there are six weeks left until cbs's exciting election night coverage. [laughter] mitt romney can get back into this thing. he just needs to do something radical. like create a deadly virus that kills off poor people. or there could be an october surprise that changes everything.

i've got on october surprise. for halloween i'm going as honey boo boo. ding-dong. geoff: mumbling. craig: i don't suppose that is really a surprise. i admit, when i got up this morning and heard what was the secret romney video, i went, "awww yeah, sex tape." [applause] well, if you're in the line of work i'm in, you live for day when you hear a presidential candidate has a secret video. you're like oh, wow. i wonder if he does that thing that happened in the kardashian video. did you see that? i watched it for research purposes. [laughter] i was like, is this technically sex? [laughter]

anyway, i heard there was a secret video. i was very disappointed it was not a sex tape. though at this point, a sex tape might actually help him. [laughter] you just need the audio. "dayummm. that's it." i actually hate when there is political stories. i have to go talk about this tonight. there is not a sex tape. why can't a beaver escape from the zoo or something? then i can talk about rogue beavers wandering across -- do they keep beavers in zoos? they don't really. you don't walk by flamingos. they keep flamingos in zeus. geoff: very smelly. [laughter] craig: i think i have gotten distracted again. mitt romney. this fundraiser was taped secretly. when a politician gets caught saying something wrong, it's usually because of a hot

mic. president obama had a hot mike scandal a few years ago. he called kanye west a jackass. that outraged -- no one. [laughter] [applause] no, it didn't. because even kanye's like "yeah, i'm a jackass." [laughter] i'm talented but a jack ass. you can't argue with that. he nailed it right there. i am. you can't forget bill clinton's hot mic moment? well, not technically a hot mic. more like a close encounter with an answering machine. [bill clinton] "oh, hi. i think i butt dialed you. by that i mean i want your butt. is my clinton getting worse? it is because i did the italian clinton last night. geoff: do it. craig: i'll do it again. what's a come and go.

italian clinton. i think it works. geoff: it is uncanny. craig: if there was an italian stereotype clinton, it would sound like that. can you do an italian stereo tape clinton? geoff: sure. craig: go. geoff: hey, what's happening, everybody? craig: where is the italian in that? geoff: why don't you try some of this pasta? craig: there. why don't you try some of this pasta and by pasta, i mean mm-hmm. [laughter] anyway, what i'm saying is the hot mics you have to watch out for. there are hot mikes everywhere. there's one over there. [applause] all right. that's enough. [laughter]

did you see that guy doing finger pistols? geoff: oh, man, i think my pasta is al dente. craig: that guy was doing finger -- he comes ott out here in speedos and does finger pistols? that's my thing. admittedly i wear clothes over the top of my speedo but that is only the difference. geoff: i am so turned on right now. craig: i think my pasta went al dente too. [laughter] it is so stupid. but i like it. geoff: that's just like the rest of the show. [laughter] craig: what the hell -- i forget. anyway, mitt romney is in trouble. you want to do the thing? geoff: more of craig ferguson's runaway circus after this.

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craig: ♪ [applause] craig: welcome back, everybody. welcome back. hey, i'll be with you in a

minute. geoff? geoff: it's tweetmail time brought to you by mitt romney's election pills. are you sagging in the polls? take control of your caucus today. [applause] craig: all right. this is from gary n. fall river in massachusetts. have you ever been to fall river? do you go swimming? three throw beads at people? geoff: naked. whatever you want. craig: dear craig and g.p. i hate almost all of my new teachers. how do i get through my junior year? what the yikey are you doing watching this show -- crikey are you doing watching this show? go to bed! or if you're watching on some other device that is not a television, i hope it is the cbs website. [laughter] cbs -- does cbs have a website? geoff: i think.

i don't know. [laughter] craig: anyhoo. i'm sorry. it is a great website full of facts about all of your favorite shows. [laughter] i go it to all the time. don't you? geoff: yeah, sure. [laughter] craig: oh, man. all right. this is from joel in pittsburgh, p.a. you ever been there? geoff: oh, yeah, love pittsburgh. craig: what is your favorite part about pittsburgh? geoff: love the buildings. [laughter] craig: all right. this is from gracie in mexico, city. i didn't know the show went out in mexico city. do we go out in mexico city? it doesn't. so somebody is watching on the cbs website in mexico city. [laughter] geoff: yeah, yeah. [laughter] craig: dear craig and geoff. do you ever hear music in your head that is not actually playing anywhere? [laughter]

sometimes when i look at the horse i hear creepy music, even though none is playing. like now. [creepy music] [laughter] craig: if you heard the music there, that means you're one of us. [laughter] do that creepy smile. there you go. [laughter] all right. this is from jarrett in winnipeg in manitoba. that is up in canada. winnipeg. that's the town that has got the famous thing. [laughter] dear craig, g.p. and -- i think i need to do something substantial to impress my girl. any ideas? winnipeg. substantial.

take your coat off. [laughter] she will be like damn! is is that wise? you'll be like eh. [laughter] finally this is from -- not finally. two minutes left. well, there is another one here. [laughter] this is from mike until new jersey. you ever been to new jersey? geoff: oh, i love new jersey. craig: dear craig, has geoff been to atlantis? the mythical underground kingdom or the resort in the bahamas? geoff: i've been to both. craig: when you go to the bahamas, sean connery lives there and as the boat pulls up to the dock, you can hear him in his backyard. ♪ just fixing my roses

[laughter] geoff: what would italian sean connery -- craig: what's a come and a go? i think my pasta is getting a bit al dente. i like this, though. i like this game of italian -- what would italian so let's do -- all right. what would italian regis sound like? geoff: hey, let's go get some pasta. [laughter] geoff: it is unbelievable, this linguini. it is hot. craig: that is just regis eating italian food. that is not the same thing. geoff: what's a come and a go. craig: you ask me one. geoff: all right. you do -- oh, boy, who do you do? craig: michael caine. geoff: michael caine. great one. no, it is, it is good. craig: no, david bowie. all right then. no, i can't.

[laughter] david bo wimp e but italian david bo wimp e. what's a come and wait, wait, wait. i think my pasta is a bit al dente. there. that's not bad. [applause] dear craig and geoff. i have never been to new york city before. it is from belinda in bangor, maine. have you ever been to bangor? geoff: you know i have. [laughter] craig: dear craig. we have run out of time. so i'll finish up pretty soon. relax. what's a come and a go. dear craig and geoff. i've never been to new york city before. what do the players think i should do next time i'm there next month? we're going to be there. where are we going to be? geoff: radio city music hall. craig: what shall we going to be

doing? geoff: we're going to be singing our song. craig: what song do we sing -- well, we don't sing it. the girls sing it. ♪ here come the players here come the players ♪ geoff, what do the italian girls say when they see us walking into the club? geoff: ♪ here come the players ♪ [applause] craig: we'll be right back, everybody. jack, you're a little boring. boring. boring. [ jack ] after lauren broke up with me, i went to the citi private pass page and decided to be...not boring. that's how i met marilyn... giada... really good. yes! [ jack ] ...and alicia. ♪ this girl is on fire [ male announcer ] use any citi card to get the benefits of private pass. more concerts, more events, more experiences. [ jack ] hey, who's boring now?

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[applause] craig: welcome back. welcome back, everybody. my first guest tonight is an award-winning actor. he won an award! [applause] i know! that means he is great! [laughter] he actually is great. what award was it? do you know? we can ask him when he comes out. all right. he's in a new film.

a film! a film! [laughter] it's called john goodman. take a look at this. >> are you all right? >> yeah. fine. >> we go back a long time. if something were wrong, you'd tell me, wouldn't you? >> of course. >> because if for any reason you're not up to it, we could send somebody from charlotte. it might be easier on you. >> i don't need easier. >> have you thought about what you might do when your contract is up? >> sure. sign another one for more money. [applause] craig: pleas welcome john goodman, everybody! [applause]

john, john, john! >> craigy! mizzries of the feet. craig: what's wrong? >> i was boxing this morning. craig: you were boxing? >> yeah, i go to gym and i box. well, i got a trainer. she's this cute blonde. craig: you box a girl? >> yeah. it makes me feel like joe frazier. craig: all right. >> she just holds hermits up and it gets my heart going faster than 50 beats a minute. i'm an old guy with too many miles on me. probably a major stress fracture or something. i thought i would do the show anyway. [applause] for you people. they were handing out percocets when i was backstage. craig: the only way i can get through it. sometimes doing this show or even watching the show is kind of similar to a stress fracture. tonight, for example, it is one

of those. no, it's all right. >> it is going to get worse. [laughter] craig: you think? no. >> eh. craig: eh. >> eh. geoff? geoff: ah-ha. craig: i thought you were wearing sneakers because you were a hipster. >> no, i by passed that. craig: come on, man, you're not old. what are you, 40? >> yeah. craig: that's great. you know a movie i saw the other day was "the big lebowski." i had never seen it. >> it is probably my favorite film that i've ever done. craig: it is pretty good. yeah. i was watching it. you're playing a rather unhinged character. i'm thinking you play a lot of kind of unhinged characters. are you an unhinged character, is what i'm saying? >> most of your actors are. craig: they are not my actors. i don't want them. [laughter]

>> no, in the clint eastwood movie, i'm completely hinged. craig: who is the unhinged one then? >> i don't think there is any unhinged. craig: come on. there has to be somebody crazy. >> i just don't know their names. craig: when you work with other actors you don't remember their names? >> i remember clint eastwood. craig: does he like do that thing when he is looking at you? >> it is hypnotic. craig: your doing it to me. my pasta went a little bit al dente. are you still living down there in new orleans? we're going to be there for the super bowl. >> you want to go around the corner and get you some tiger on a stick. [laughter] craig: there is a lady in here right now who -- tigers are an adanger species. it is a beautiful animal. >> i'm hip. craig: you're what? >> i'm hip. [laughter]

craig: what the hell do you mean by that? >> i'm hip to tigers. craig: i'm hip too. that's a hell of a town, new orleans. i'm going back. >> i love it. craig: it is very nice. it is a party town, though. >> it used to be. craig: it still is. >> there is sections of the town reserved for partying. it is laid back. let the good times roll. craig: i don't speak the fancy french. i like it down there. i also like it in new orleans. [laughter] >> i saw -- craig: you see what i did? i sneaked it in. just lail one right there. what are you doing with your hand there? i'm kind of thinking you're going to touch my ass. >> i'm getting ready. i saw that orange speedo guy. craig: that guy did finger pistols. i didn't ask him to do finger pistols. do you think that is right?

>> >> gratuitous finger pistols. craig: have you ever had finger pistols from a guy wearing speedos? >> you read my diary. craig: i like the idea, it is the super bowl. i'm going to be there for super bowl. are you a football fan? >> off to a rough start. they will get there. craig: the super bowl? that's because they live there. that's how they will get there. >> one way or another, they will be there. craig: they will be in new orleans come february, no matter what. are you a big sports fan? do you do all of that? >> i am when i can pay attention. i've been working so much lately. i haven't really been able to listen to my beloved st. louis cardinals lately. [applause] craig: he said he wasn't doing

it, man. >> you should be throwing stuff. craig: why st. louis? is that your hometown? >> that's where i was born. craig: you know what they do there? they get ravioli and put chocolate in it. >> what? craig: yeah, chocolate ravioli. the guy said it was chocolate ravioli. geoff: yeah, i'm hip. craig: we had the chocolate ravioli. >> they brate up and fry it. craig: with chocolate? >> not that i heard of. craig: i had chocolate ravioli from a vendor. [laughter] and then -- what else did we have? >> was it a street guy? craig: he was a little down on his luck. yeah. [laughter] >> are you sure it was chocolate? craig: i'm not sure it was chocolate. i'm not even sure if it was ravioli. i'm not originally from st. louis. >> right. [laughter]

where did the show go? horsey! craig: you want the horsey? >> hey, seabiscuit? craig: who's that at the door? ♪ [applause] [applause] craig: so we're actually out of time. do you want an apple or i got some clementines here. i was trying to get cumquats but they are out of season. >> i can't spell them so i'll take an apple. craig: you have to answer a question. >> yes, sir. craig: iceland is in the north atlantic. its capital city is reykjavik. are you answering me in that

clicky -- >> it is swahili. craig: maybe i should ask the question in the clicky language. what is it called? [clicking] do you speak any languages? >> i barely speak english. after you. craig: you want me to wash your apples? >> yes, please. craig: all right. go ahead and eat that. >> the whole thing? craig: john goodman, everybody! ♪ keys, keys, keys, keys, keys. ♪ well, he's not very handsome ♪ to look at [ sighs ] ♪ oh, he's shaggy ♪ and he eats like a hog [ male announcer ] the volkswagen jetta. available with advanced keyless technology.

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[applause] >> larry king's presidential election history. >> three presidents grew up as farmers. george washington on a tobacco farm. jimmy carter on a peenut farm

and william howard taft on a fat farm. he was enormous like a blimp. [applause] craig: welcome back, everybody. welcome back. my next guest is a terrific actor. he is in a new film called "we made this movie" which has its free online premiere september 20. how does that work? what's online? i work at cbs. i don't really understand. take a look at this. >> got a copy of the movie for you right there. just for your eyes only. >> i can't accept that because of lawsuits and stuff like that. i'm sorry. >> take the d.v.d.. >> trust me. i totally understand. i'm not going sue you. >> i don't think you understand. could you help me? >> no, mr. pullman, listen. listen. you are not going to regret this

you're going to love this movie. it pushes the envelope. it raises the bar. please. >> bill, don't be a -- [applause] craig: arjay smith, everybody! arjay smith! [applause] arjay! yeah, there is geoff over there. i hardly recognize you. you're all grown. >> i know. last time you saw me, i was a teenager. craig: it was at "the drew carey show." you were on the show and i was there. >> you were there too. [laughter] craig: i've been distracted by your watch. what the hell? you have done well, man. i ended up here, but you have

done great. look at your watch! >> by the way, i love the new set-up. craig: you like it? the fire is not too hot for you? >> i noticed you threw some logs in it one time. craig: i threw some logs in it. a really good effect. people seemed to enjoy it. tell me how the movie works. the online premiere. >> basically september 20 everyone can go on wemadethismovie.com. we'll be streaming the movie live at the actual premiere on the 209. we'll be in new york. craig: and you're going to be on the tweety? >> i'll be tweeting. i'll be on the tweety. craig: are you going to be -- [laughter] so you'll be on the tweety and the movie is -- don't you want people to watch the movie, though? >> yeah, absolutely. they can watch the movie and be on the tweety at the same time. [laughter] craig: i doont that.

i'm 50 years old. i can't do that. i can't be on the tweety. that's how i do things. i'm either on the tweety or watching the internet. >> then we have to hang out more so i can show you how to do that. craig: you can do that, lol. all that stuff. >> cooking. craig: cooking? that's the age difference right there. you grew up in a time where all that multitasking -- can you do all of that? >> yeah, i can actually. three older sisters and mother i was raised with so i had to learn how to multitask 368 craig: you were raised by four women? >> and my dad. my dad was there too. craig: there you are. [applause] a fairly conventional upbringing then is what you're saying? >> i guess. we were always outnumbered. i learned to have a lot of nashese life. [laughter] -- patience in life.

craig: be really careful about what you say about women, dude. sometimes they can be a little touchy. >> gotcha. [laughter] it was a blessing. craig: it is a blessing to be with so many lovely women. >> yes, it is. craig: yes, it is and you're lucky to have that opportunity in life in the beginning. where did you grow up? >> out here in southern california. craig: los angeles? you don't seem like a douche to me! [applause] >> that's misconception. that is a misconception too. craig: really? >> los angeles natives who were born and raised -- we're very nice people. craig: that's true. people who are actually from here. >> people migrate. craig: people come from other areas or other countries that come here and -- [laughter] you just called me a dude. yeah, you did. you did it in a sneaky, clever way. [laughter]

>> technically, you're from -- no, technically, you're from here. craig: how does that work? [laughter] if i -- >> so how about those lakers? craig: whoa! yeah! i know! [applause] do you follow that kind of thing? >> i surely do. i'm technically born a lakers fan. my dad has been a fan since the old magic days. so i'm a laker fan at heart. i'm a fan when they lose and when they win. not just a fan when -- craig: that's not a proper los angeles fan. a los angeles fan, you're only a fan when they are in the playoffs or have just won, then you're a los angeles fan. >> that's how it works. craig: yeah, if you're into watching teams that lose, you're a lions or raiders fan. that's the way it is. it's a joke. [laughter] do you follow football? i'm going to go to new orleans this year. no football team here. it makes me crazy.

>> we need one. we haven't had one since the raiders or the rams. craig: how did it work out? >> well, they are not here. craig: exactly so. we should go down to san diego and get the chargers? what do you think? >> i'm not against that. craig: get a van. >> you and me. craig: you and me and a couple of guys. we go down san diego, get the chargers and bring them back. they are big guys, though. they have got to come or else i'm out. >> i have the gift of gab. have i been working out lately. a trainer i've been working out with. craig: is it a girl you box with? >> no, it is a guy. although that is not a bad idea. i'm not opposed to that. craig: that was really good what you did there about a girl boxer. [laughter] >> i learn quick. i learn very quickly.

craig: this movie looks great. what what happens in it? >> it is about these five seniors. craig: senior? you can't play a senior. i thought you meant a senior like eeehhh. [laughter] >> no, no, no. craig: look at you. you're 30 years old. >> do you do the clinton italian thing as a senior? craig: eeh. geoff? geoff: blah. craig: sounded a little regisy to me. do you do any voices? >> um, no, not really. craig: neither do i. >> i beat box. craig: you beat box? >> i was doing some stuff for fun. i have beats boxed since i was 9 years old. craig: let's hear it. >> the first one i did was "mary had a little lamb." ♪ yeah.

craig: that's awesome. [applause] isn't that fantastic? [applause] is that -- now is that in the movie? >> well that, particular -- that particular song is not. craig: you got to go back and put that in the movie before friday. >> we did some extra stuff. craig: we're out of time. do you want some fruit? i got a couple of apples b and some clementines. i was trying to get cumquats. >> what about the nickels? craig: i can throw in some sugar. >> ooh. craig: and a pack of cards. >> can i do the sugar? craig: mm-hmm. >> and i'll do the apple. healthy. i'm trying to eat healthy. craig: ok. that's fine. can i have this too? [laughter] craig: you know, when i said you don't seem like a douche bag, then you're taking all of my stuff.

[laughter] [applause] arjay, everybody. we'll be right back! ♪ okay. whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. i'd stay clear of that cleaner, too, if i were made of wood and granite. why don't you try pledge? ♪ pledge multi-surface. [ man ] its formula's safe on all kinds of stuff, like this... and this... and this.

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[applause] craig: welcome back, everybody. welcome back. my next guest is an extremely talented musician. he's here performing "falling up".

please welcome melissa etheridge, everybody! ♪ i send a picture to my very best friend and in the picture was me and my car had another dead end if you wanna come and find me i can leave you a sign my heart's a little heavy but the rest of me is well, fine, oh, fine so here's to me let's raise a cup oh, oh i am fancy free

and i've fallen fallen that's right i'm falling up now i'm falling up now i'm falling up now i get the picture yeah of reaping what i sow yeah it's getting clearer that all that i love is all that i know come on now so here's to me yeah whoa let's raise a cup oh oh oh i'm fancy free and i'm falling falling that's right that's right